hey hey america!

Well, hey there! This is one of two posts from 13. February (I think, so, if I can find the other one, I am posting this one today (12. February) and will hopefully post the other tomorrow...but, let's be realistic--it might not be until Monday. :) )Today is my best friend's birthday, so I have to say: HAPPY YOU DAY, KRISTA!!!

It's crazy how fast the time really does go, and it really isn't something you can appreciate until you're not a teenager anymore. I hope you enjoy this installment--I have thought many times about the sermon mentioned therein. This email was the cause of my having lost a follower on my email list, and that was a pretty awkward time. I still feel the same way about the content of that sermon, however. I hope you like it, whoever you might be.

~sarah

UPDATE: It's 4. March, and I am only just posting this...I think I knew this would happen at some point. Well, here's to picking up where I left off. Hope you enjoy this read, and there should be some interesting things coming in subsequent posts, if memory serves.  ~s

howdy!

 

sorry it has been so long since i wrote last, things have gotten kind of crazy around here, and i can only get to a computer until 7pm so thats a bummer because i am in class until around 3 or 4 every day and i dont get a chance to check between classes (if im responsible) because im trying to get homework done before i forget it.  in april, however, theyll start staying open later, so maybe there will be more emails then.  so, sorry!

 

so whats new with me...i have spent the past two weekends in berlin, and they were, for the most part, AMAZING!  this weekend, i went with a few people from the program because it was tims birthday and that was his location de choix.  this weekend we went to 2 starbucks *they were amazing, by the way* and to the pergamon museum.  the pergamon was really awesome, except i dont think i was a fan of the disdainful tone of the voice on the "what is this thing im looking at" recording.  but i guess there arent toooo many people who worry about that in the world (something id like to change, ha)...well so thats pretty much it, we walked along the wall for a while and saw the memorial to the jews who were killed during the holocaust (kinda a strange thing) and of course, checkpoint charlie (again).  last week, when i was visiting jennie, we saw the siegessaeule, the brandenburg gate, and the graves of the soviet soldiers, the deutscher and franzoesischer doms...basically, if its in berlin and touristy, i saw it in the past two weekends.  (rathaus and fernsehturm, as well)

 

i cant really compare the two weekends because they were vastly different from each other but they were both really awesome and im so glad i got to go!  what else, what else...i had my final for a class last friday and we are supposed to get them back tomorrow, but i think i did okay, so thats a big relief!  thanks for the many prayers, i needed them! 

 

one of the best things i remember about berlin from the jennie trip was a guy trumpeting "when the saints go marching in" & "swing low, sweet chariot" at the entrance to the schoenhauser allee u-bahn station.  AWESOME!  and i think it was on sunday morning, so that was great...

 

this sunday was...different.  i decided it had been too long since i had gone to church and i felt comfortable enough in berlin to be willing to go to church on my own and not feel as though i was going to get lost, so i got on the internet and found a church to go to which was the franzoesischer dom in gendarmenmarkt.  its a heugenot church and was erected during the persecution so i figured hey this should be a solid church, esp since it said it was a reformed service.  i was SUPER excited to get to go to church in berlin, especially (the german word for especially is "besonders," so get used to seeing it, hehe) one which was reformed! 

 

i woke up early on sunday and got all my stuff together, and ended up being late to church since i had to collect and organize all my belongings from the hostel, but i got there and was excited...i walked in and there were probably about 40 other people there but it was okay.  so i got my bearings and started trying to figure out what was going on and got with it in time to figure out what the passage for the morning was before he finished it, so that was nice because then i could know what the sermon topic was (generally useful foresight!).  it was the parable of the workers in the vineyard in the first 6 verses of Matthew, chapter 20.  i was excited because what i got from it (from the Holy Sprirt) was that God has His timing and Will and we should be excited that He is the one in charge and that ultimately He is going to do what he wants...

 

what i got from the pastor was something completely different.  and frustrating!

 

i believe that what he said was something along the lines of jews Christians and muslims all inheriting the kingdom of heaven...crazy.  i was trying not to believe that thats what was being taught but i just kept hearing it.  i think the word of the Lord was distorted in the following fashion:

 

the jews are the workers gathered in the very beginning of the day and they were upset because the next group was getting equal treatment.  the next group in this interpretation is, you guessed it, the Christians.  and that the Christians in the world should be okay with the third group getting as much of an inheritance as they.  the third group would be...yup, muslims!  i really cannot believe that this message was preached from the pulpit of a Bible based church!  i mean, i realize that im in europe and things are going to be different, but (this is for you megan a holt) are you freaking joking me?!?!  like, come ON i know you guys dont really believe this...

 

it seems fairly evident to me that the parable is more along the lines of God calls whom He will, when He will, and thats all and that the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ works the same way for everyone.  its free and covers "a multitude of sin" (in fact all of them, whoop!)...its monday evening, and im still reeling from the thought that thats what the message was last night.  Gosh!  ARGH!!  so thats enough of that story for now, but i thought id send you guys a shocker...

 

so whats going on with yall?  im typing on an american computer right now, and its horribly difficult to remember which keys are supposed to be where...

 

my other reactions to berlin is that at checkpoint charlie, i have never been more proud or thankful for my nationality.  i love germany, dont get me wrong, but man am i glad to be an american!  a little propaganda never hurt anyone right? 

 

well i guess thats about all that is going on in my life right now.  i started genesis last week, as per the evolution talk (i dont remember if i typed about that or not, but i guess ill get emails back if i didnt, hehe) and have almost finished it.  its an amazing book!  i love getting to know what went on so long ago...

 

write when yall get a chance, i still love hearing from you! 

 

all my love,

~sarah

 

ps--i listened to the war hymn and spirit downloaded from the aggieband website while i finished this email, and it was wonderful :-D

yeah, i got nothin...

Hey, hi, howdy! Today's note is from 8. February. The next ones are two from 13. February, so keep an eye out for a couple this weekend (or at the beginning of next week). This one made me laugh out loud, realizing that I am still not a huge friend of technology. The trip to Berlin was the first one, and I am so grateful that God gave me a friend in that city that semester. I love Berlin now, and, if you'd've asked me that day, I don't know that I would have been able to fathom that. God works in mysterious ways, they say, because Berlin is my favorite city in the whole world, now. What is your #lieblingsstadt (favorite city)?

~sarah

howdy!

 

so i apologize for the whole week which has elapsed since i last told yall that i would email more frequently...things have gotten a little crazy...

 

so, im sitting on the floor of my friend jennies apartment in berlin.  thats right berlin.  how awesome is that?!?!  pretty awesome, indeed.  and im coming to berlin with some other people next week, as well, so that should be a fun time.

 

as mentioned before, things have really started to pick up and i am having fun. real fun!  this morning i was walking around lueneburg and now im in berlin.  public transportation is super neat!  i guess i dont really have all that much to talk about for now...things are pretty boring, me guesses, so ill tell you guys what we did tonight...

 

so i got to berlin at like, 515 and then hadda find jennie in about the craziest train station, EVER, so that was crazy.  but eventually, we connected and then really had no plan.  so the plan is (still) that there is no plan, but hey thats cool.  we bought me a train ticket from some girl on the street who was pretty scary but actually had valid things to sell, so thats good right?  i must admit that i was pretty skeptical but then it turns out that random girls on the street dont lie...well at least not this time. 

 

so we got back to jennies and its pretty much about 111 (but whos really counting right?) steps to get up to her apartment, so that was an adventure and then we pretty much roamed the streets for the next few hours and eventually here we are!  we ate schnitzel, had some crazy good dessert and got to see some of what would undoubtedly be a really beautiful city...if it was 60 degrees warmer.  the grass is always greener, me guesses...

 

next week i have a lot to do, as well, but i hope that ill get to send an email out more frequently.  really!  uummmm, i guess thats all for now, more when i can think of things worth writing but i almost just lost this whole draft (ive never claimed to be a friend of technology) so i think im done!

 

love!

~sarah

the weathers great...

Well, this is a few days late by now. Originally published on 7. February, it was fun to look at this and see that I still have the same favorite weather today, and I was grateful to have gotten to experience it some last week. I genuinely feel that sunny cold days are disingenuous. What is your #lieblingswetter (favorite weather)?

~sarah

if you like cold and rainy.  i realized that i dont really like cold + whatever precipitation ends up making it outta the clouds.  i like cold and RAIN.  not snow (though its fun), and not sleet.  cold and rainy.  which we got yesterday, and friday.  dont worry, everyone here thinks im nuts for holding that opinion, as well...

 

so its tuesday early afternoon and i have a little time to write before i have to go try to read as much as possible before my class (i probably should start that now, but hey thats no fun...).

 

i went to berlin this weekend and had a BLAST!  like i already wrote to pat, its weird that after 5 years of LOVING slow east texas that i would absolutely adore a city as large as berlin.  im sure that a lot of it had to do with the company and that it was just jennie and me, not a huge group of people, for once.  we got to see a lot of things and it was really fun.  we saw a life-sized fußball (haha, they actually HAVE that letter on the keyboard, how great is that?) table and it literally takes one person per krank to operate it.  and since it was berlin, the men were bears and each was painted as different players for their soccer teams...silly.  we had a good time, and i got to see a lot more of the city than i probably will when i go back with the group this weekend, ha. 

 

so a lot has been keeping me really busy around here and i have FINALLY finished that paper on illiteracy in germany.  thank goodness, what a burden it has been!  but its been interesting to see that illiteracy is illiteracy and the differences between causes &c. really only start to show up when comparing countries that are on different levels in the development scale (1st-3rd worlds).  it really is interesting and it was neat to see what peoples perceptions of illiteracy were, even though for someone whos a semi-education major it was über frustrating.  most people couldnt wrap their minds around the idea that probably a lot of people who are 'illiterate' are persons who are dyslexic (or have some other LD) and have never been tested or were tested but got too frustrated.  anyway, enough about that...

 

i have been still reading in Isaiah and Proverbs pretty regularly, and its interesting to see what i think about these passages and i will be excited to get back and be able to see how well what i got matches up with "right theology"...basically from theologians whove made it their life goal to glorify God with their work in His Word and Person.  i started reading Genesis last night, though, because weve started to touch the evolution topic in my grammar class and so i want to be prepared since its an area im weakest on and i can thank God for stretching me here.  my initial reactions and fear about being inadequate were calmed (somewhat) by the Spirit reminding me about Colossians 2:8 (thoughts, everyone?), so that was nice.  i guess if yall would pray that i would continually be given the Spirit when i need Him so that what i speak would be Him and not me and that i dont have to worry about "messing up."

 

what else, what else.  i have a final on friday, and our teacher has been a little cryptic about whats going to be on it, so thats frustrating.  im going to finland in a couple of weeks (God willing)!  so that will be fun.  nothing like leaving what i currently consider "cold and dark" for what will undoubtedly be colder and darker.  silly old green grass...

 

i guess thats what ive got for now.  i hope that this message finds yall doing well and that youre keeping those eyes upward.  thats the only way to make it, for sure!  i love and miss each of you greatly and appreciate the daily prayers and emails! 

 

love,

°sarah

just the facts maam (and sirs)

Well, hey there. Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day, so we had an interesting time in class, discussing what the Holocaust was, why it is so important to reflect, and why things like that happen (and how to prevent them in the future (spoiler alert: it's to remember that EVERY PERSON has value and worth, by merit of being a human)). It was an interesting time to get the kids thinking and talking about their opinions and thoughts about a wide range of topics around this idea. I was particularly grateful to have a short video from my friend, Aaron, with Jews for Jesus to really get the conversation started in a productive way. It's the first time I have really broached the subject with my students before, and I am glad I did. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have big talks with my kids and, hopefully, give them something to chew on going forward. Kindness is so important, y'all, and we are ALL capable of great evil AND kindness. 

Without further ado, the post from 27.January...

~deine Sarah

howdy!

 

i promise im trying to be better about sending these with more regularity, but not having a computer at home really cuts down on the success of that plan. 

 

today is friday, and i already took my test, so thats nice!  at 215, were going on a tour of the town hall and the salt museum, so those should be interesting and good to learn about!  the semester is really starting to fly by already!  i can hardly believe that ive been here for three weeks!  its crazy! 

 

i guess ill use this email to send praises and prayer requests.

 

ill start with some praises and then some prayer requests and end with some praises again because theyre good!

 

my first praise is that i am being required to get close to God because otherwise i dont think that i would be able to make it through the semester. 

 

also, the sun is shining today!  whoop!  i hope that it gets warmer soon.  i know thats not really practical, but what is a girl without a dream?

 

i love that i get to see calvinism work every day!  every time something good happens i get to see God loving me and when non-believers do things for me, i get to think "thanks, God, for using that person to love on me right now."  because thats the other half of T(otal depravity) right?  that the good we do comes from God?  whoop!

 

some prayer requests...

 

im still having a hard time adjusting and most of the time i could cry at any given moment, and i hate that!  but im told its 'normal' and that "this, too, shall pass" so im trying to get by and not doing so well at it but things have got to get better soon!

 

would yall pray for the other people on this trip?  its fun to get to know them because i dont think that any (maybe one) of them are Christians, and their stories are similar and basically they arent Christians and what do non-Christians need most?  Jesus! 

 

i still havent really found my groove and it seems like each day is harried and the only things that are very settled are my quiet times though those are intermittently interrupted, so would you pray that my desire for the Word and time with God would be increased and that i would be excited to get to spend time everyday?

 

and i worry too much.  about everything.  and i know that God will take care of it but i dont want to really believe that so it feels like im trusting Him but only with one hand because i need to be able to catch myself if i fall (which would only be through fault of my own...).  thats a really exhausting way to live, im coming to realize!

 

i guess thats all i have for that section...on to the end, which is...MORE PRAISES!  whoop!

 

i get a chance to talk to people about God a lot, and no one seems to be too strong in their anti-Christian sentiment, and people are even coming to talk to me about religious ideas about things!  awesome!  pray that i would continue to be led by the Spirit in those situations because its no surprise that Gods words are better, more poignant, and more effective than my own!

 

God is good to me, and He loves me!  and He truly is the God who waits and will always be there for you, but only on His time and thats always just in time, so thats awesome!  He really has been protecting me so far on this trip and I am so very thankful for that! 

 

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation!  Oh my soul praise Him for he is thy hope and salvation! 

 

love hearing from everyone, so thanks for being an interactive group!  i love each of you dearly, and wish that i could be martin luther and own a house thats as big as a hotel when i get back so that i could have all the people i hold most dear within reach! 

 

love,

°sarah

 

ps--for those of you who are wondering what im doing in quiet times, im reading through Isaiah in the evenings and skimming Proverbs in the mornings. 

raise your hand if you know how cold -13°C really is...

Well, it was bound to happen, and it did. This post is late, hah. It is dated 25. January, and today is the 26th. Oh, well, and let's be honest--if you didn't expect me to miss this at some point, you must've overlooked the fact that this blog lay dormant for '05 (whoop!) years before this semester. Anyhow, and without further ado, the next post. Tomorrow there should be another. 

~deine sarah

because i do!  its 8,59999°F and its how cold it was when i walked to school yesterday!  what?!?!

 

well, howdy!

 

so its been like a week since i last wrote so i think i have kind of a lot to say but i think that maybe ill leave part of it for tomorrow so that those of you who contend that i have been slacking on the emailing can smile smugly and think 'ha, sarah really DOES do my bidding' hehe...or so you think.

 

so not too much has been going on over here and so i havent written much but mostly i havent written much because i spend so much time in the computer lab writing emails to everyone that i dont get around to mass emails...horrible excuse, i know, and so i promise to try to do better, even if its short...

 

first off, i have to say that i think that its weird that celcius to people here is "grad" because im like, isnt that the word for degrees and how come you dont specify which measuring scale youre using??  but i guess that we do the same thing so its okay?

 

but seriously, i was talking to krista last night i think its funny that while people in texas get their weather from oh, say, the northwest, our cold is coming from russia.  thats right, i said russia...and apparently its colder than normal there (be glad for the heat, merinda (or maybe not, but i would be!)) so its colder than normal here, as well.  we got home from holland and didnt really enjoy the prospect of walking home from the train station...at least i live closer than most everyone!

 

this weekend, about 12 of us went to amsterdam to see the sights and take in some art.  it was an interesting time, and traveling by train is an excellent way to go...its so fast!  and who would have thought that traveling by train would be so leicht (lie-cht (a soft ch))!  its awesome...

 

so how was amsterdam, you might be wondering.  well, it was alright.  i think i could take it or leave it, but the museums were pretty nice and such.  we went to the rijks museum to see some rembrandt (http://www.rijksmuseum.nl/index.jsp), and to the van gogh museum (http://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/bisrd/top-1-1.html).  i liked the van gogh museum better, methinks...

 

so that was my weekend.  i got back to lüneburg to find out that the temperature had dropped drastically and that was not a lot of fun to walk home in.  well, i took too long writing this and it didnt get sent on tuesday as planned (please forgive me!), so i guess ill add what happened today so far.  yesterday i went to class and (in true to sarah style) volunteered to give a presentation on TUESDAY next!  included with it must be a paper, so thats a major bummer, as well!  what was i thinking?!?!?!  so now i have two thats right, TWO projects to do this weekend...guess ill spend a fair amount of time in the computer lab on saturday (they arent open on sunday), but at least im gettin this stuff outta the way...more tomorrow, perhaps!

 

later days and much love!

°sarah

i would never have predicted that the thumb would be the biggest wuss of the hand...

 

Howdy! This is the last post until Monday, so I hope you enjoy it. And, don't forget--your thumbs will freeze on a cold day in a bike, even in gloves. ;)

~deine sarah

but apparently when youre riding a bike home in the dark and its 26.6°F outside thats the digit thats going to be the worst off...stupid thumbs

so howdy!  hower yall doing today, on what is most likely a holiday for you?  im in school.  boooooo...(schade (shh-ah-duh))

well its been like a week, so whats been going on...

first, school here is still a bummer, just like school in the states (who am i kidding, i LOVE school! but its still less fun) and i had my first test on friday.  i got an 80 which is apparently smack in the middle of the b's so thats...good?  meh.  i have another quiz today, which will be over before any of yall read this so asking for prayer is a moot point, ha.  

saturday we went to hamburg and had a great time walking around the city, and to the top of st michaels church tower.  wouldnt have been too bad but the elevator broke literally an hour before we got there so we took the stairs.  all 440 (or so) of them!  that was tres horrible!  we were like, ummm can we just turn around?  we changed our minds...the view was almost worth the psychotic amounts of stairs so i guess thats okay.  then we met some parent-aged men who were over from TN so that was cool and one of them was a pastor of a free will baptist church there so that was nice to talk to a "normal" person.  we finally left the city on the 1055 pm train and it took an hour to get to the 30 minute-away destination...bummer again!  

but it was okay and i got home and had funny conversation with my roommates, lena and luise, about what they had predicted i would be like.  they were apparently seriously fearing that i would have brought a picture of g.w. and put it up in my room and then apparently svend was threatening that if i had done that hed post a picture of merkel.  then we talked about how germany doesnt really use its flag in too much stuff and that no one here knows the national anthem.  WEIRD right?  they thought it was weird that we say the pledge every morning and i then allowed them to heard my recitation of it so that was funny...

yesterday, breakfast was at 8 (NOOOOOOO good) and it was fun and they are silly and i hate hate hate hate HATE that they all get dressed before they eat breakfast.  i guess thats why i mostly eat breakfast in my room.  if i didnt id have to be already dressed and i think thats stupid.  i should have them have an "american" breakfast with eggs and french toast (american? ha) and IN THEIR PAJAMAS.  i think svend even shuddered when i told him that i wore pajama pants to school almost everyday for 4 years!  ahahahahaha...i love it.  then we rode our bikes to church (and i fell off and now have a bruise on my knee).  

CHURCH WAS AWESOME!  i loved it a lot!  i think i understood most of the things they said, and i think it was an evangelical free church but they didnt really read directly from the Bible, but we definitely sang songs i knew, such as "what a friend we have in Jesus!" so that was sooo comforting i almost cried.  but i kept it together.  hehehe...

what i got out of the sermon (i think it was about how Jesus gives us new life, esp using lazarus) was that lazarus is symoblism for us.  maybe ive gotten that before but it sure was awesome to hear it!  it was sooooo cool too because i know it was totally Holy Spirit because i was sitting there listening, and sort of understanding what was being said and then WHAM!  "lazarus is a metaphor for the redeeming work of our Lord" or something pretty close to that whole sentence just popped into my head.  i love when He does that!!!  (thoughts??  i love hearing what other people think about this stuff!)

so then later i went to ultimate frisbee practice.  i guess here is when a lot of people check out and some others really really start to pay attention (hahaha)

well theyre the farmers apparently and they play inside when its cold out but they pretty much are horrible.  i dont know if thats mostly a result of me knowing that theres better out there or what but MAN was i disappointed.  i mean, they kind of know the rules and idk how often ill go...maybe once a week.  

when i get out of class ill finish and send this...

okay, im back!  the quiz was super easy so thats always good right?

um so why ultimate was depressing...theyre more of an intramural group and they dont really know whats up and SkyU! is so amazing, how could i NOT be unsatisfied with a new group??  but for real, they travel (to a point even i would call it) they throw blades as though theyre like, legitimately good throws.  i didnt try to catch them at first because i was like "yeah right!" and then i realized that it wasnt that the hammers werent flattening out it was that thats how they ACTUALLY meant for it to go.  i dont think ill take my discs back.  in fact last night i had a dream that one of my discs got torn so i really think it freaked me out.  for more details email me because i dont want to bore everyone with frustrations most of the people wont get.  

well i guess thats "all" i have for this chapter...i will try to write more often as my week-long silence on here raised some eyebrows (btw, "eye" is really difficult to type on a german keyboard!).  miss and love yall bunches!  write when you get time, i love getting mail (electronic or otherwise!)!!!

love!!!

°sarah

does your tongue ever get tired after speaking german for a long time?

well, helloooooooooooooo, in there.  now that i (think i) have run off anyone who might find this, i shall write anew.  hey there, its been a while.  i guess about a year and a half, but long enough.  a few things have happened, but life is still very much the same.  i still work in katy, still teach german, and those are the big parts.  new things, though, are that, for the first time, i am not (more or less) enamored of my job, and i have been pretty focused on germany.  i dont really know what that means, yet, but i have some ideas, and if you want to ask about them, id love to tell you about it.

God hasnt seemed to be making "big" strides in my life lately, and that has felt kind of lonesome, but i know he isnt far off because i am still learning.  i am starting to learn about:

• exactly how important loving well is, for the Christian;
• how God responds to our prayers because of our boldness and persistence, not because of our status;
• how the waiting God makes us do, is where the magic happens.  

interesting thoughts, and challenging.

anyhow, the purpose of this post is to write about what He showed me this week, one of the most exciting, albeit frustrating, ones of late...

SETTING: we find ourselves in late january, where the protagonist (also the author of this post) has many days which blend into each other. it is course selection week at school.  its a non-thing for many teachers, i think, but for me, it. is. everything.  it HAS TO BE everything.  as a german teacher, recruitment and balancing rigor/fun will always be something of which to be mindful, and course selection is where the pudding can prove itself, so to speak.  this year, recruitment has been something i can never push very far from my mind.  it seems that, this year, at every juncture, beginning on day 12 (yes, that early), i have been reminded that german is a white rhino at my school--it is up to me to fix that, and what am i going to do about it.  this year, i have been more vocal about needing help, but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears which lie behind a foot-thick wall of concrete. the ideas never stop, as the pressure never eases. 

PLOT: our little program has a meager 70 students, and i (more on that in a bit) am determined that it will grow.    

RISING ACTION: ANyhow, this week was eighth grade night here at school, and i was blessed to have MANY freshmen boys (and a smattering of other kids (non-fish, and girls)) stay to help me beat the rug for german potential we havent seen, yet.  that was a blessing for a few reasons, not the least of which being that it came on the end of a weirdly frustrating, exciting day.  it was the day before selection forms were due, and i have to sign off on anyone who wants to take german three or four, because they are "advanced".

CLIMAX: WELL, retention rates have always been my thing, and this year proves the rule.  my numbers. are. OUTSTANDING.  barring scheduling conflicts, i should retain 60% of my eligible-for-german-three students, and 67% (could soar as high as 80%) of my german threes into german four.  seriously, those numbers are OUTSTANDING, and i would put them against any foreign language in any school in my district, i am so proud of them.

FALLING ACTION: this exciting point is not without frustration, however, because, since the overall programs numbers are low, the amazing-ness of the retention percentages still only equal small numbers.  it isnt enough.  its awful.  

RESOLUTION: this is the Gospel made real, again, to me.  i always ALWAYS want to be able do to things on my own.  I am determined to make my program grow, even though the Holy Spirit made it clear to me, on two separate occasions last school year, that it is not my prerogative to determine the success/growth rate of my german program. i cannot save either myself, my program, or anything else, on my own, without God's help and intervention.  

what i have really learned, the hard way, again, is this: 

i could have the best (insert measuring stick/idol here) EVER, and have done everything i needed to/wanted to get things how they need to be, and it still will not be enough to get me where i need and want to be.  i cannot accomplish my own salvation.  believe me, i have tried...and in many ways, apparently, hence the lesson, i still do.  i want to do it.  i want to hear "well done, good and faithful servant" because i have accomplished something of note, not simply taken advantage of the love, faith, hope, and joy that God offers through the effective sacrifice of Jesus, His son.  

trotzdem, the old man is still around, and this is still really aggravating; i still fight for recognition that i AM doing a good job, and i AM worth the school districts money.

however, i am thankful that this place shows me, anew, that my successes or failures do not--cannot--determine my results, endpunkt, or worth, and i am not without hope.  i do not purport to know all of God's mind or plan for my life.  who knows, God might choose to overwhelm our efforts (those of myself, and my students) with rich blessings poured out in the form of enough german students to prevent my having to teach a fifth prep.  i do know, though, that God WILL choose to continue to chip away at me--sometimes, it seems, with a sledgehammer--because i have been adopted (Hebrews 12,5-8).  

what's crazier is i think i might be growing fond of this crucible, for it is hope-giving.  it is me-ending.  and, it means i dont have to be good enough (Romans 5,8). 

sDg

ps--i apologize for the formatting discrepancies.  its yet one more means of sanctification for me, and one of the main reasons i dont blog often.